I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
