I should be sponsored by Trojan
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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