it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sober January is a disaster.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
40s are totally the cure
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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