He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
