sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize