He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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