I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
