I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
