I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
