I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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