I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
