Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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