Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize