3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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