Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
