A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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