i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
