How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
