I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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