I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sober January is a disaster.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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