He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
