so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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