if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize