i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
