The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
