stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We have started to decorate penises.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
