trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
