I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
