if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize