that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
