I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
