Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
