if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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