so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
