so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
