you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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