I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
