I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When are your genitals available?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
