my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
