If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
