His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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