you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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