he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize