Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
