3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
