So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
