I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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