I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
