your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
