Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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