okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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