Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
