it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
