I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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