Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
