i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize