Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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