I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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