it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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