Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
