i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
