it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
