Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
