At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i drank out of a bidet.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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