If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm having to shit out rocks
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
