party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
