My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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