great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
