haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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