in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
