Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
