P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
