I think I just saw someone hide a body.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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