I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
