I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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