i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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