She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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