I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
