i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
