I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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