Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
