I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize