I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He did a backflip because drugs
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
