You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
