thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
