i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
