I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize