If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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