So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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