Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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