The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize