Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
