Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
