It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize