yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
